Friday, December 18, 2009

IFC: A movie channel for people who hate movies

I honestly can't figure out why I keep watching IFC (The Independent Film Channel). Every once in a blue moon there's a decent film on there that they accidentally put on the play list, but mostly it's hyper weird stuff that's more artsy than enjoyable. Tonight I saw two movies that left me with a bad taste in my mouth. One was Buddy Boy and the other was The Secretary.

Buddy Boy is about the really strange guy who takes care of his insane, alcoholic mom-- his mom totally looks like the crossbreeding of one of those treasure troll dolls and a leather sofa. The whole time she's slowly driving him batpoop insane he keeps halucinating all this weird crap that isn't really happening-- or maybe it is. Who knows? Then it ends with him looking into a vent. Literally... he looks in the vent and blammo... credits. Oh yeah-- he wears a baby blue "Meat Is Murder" shirt through the whole darn movie. Who is going to take a guy serious when he doesn't even bother to change his shirt. Really!

The Secretary starts off weird and then gets bizarre. It's about Harvey Dent's girlfriend and she cuts herself and she winds up in a nuthouse-- then she works for David Spader and it turns out he's gorilla-crap crazy and he makes her set mouse traps and make coffee and stuff. There's a lot of typographical errors, spanking, a dead worm, and some awkward sex and then he makes her sit in a chair for 3 days during which I assume she pooped in her dress which happens to be the wedding dress she was wearing when she was going to marry the crazy scientist guy from Lost. Then he comes in and takes her home and gives her a bath and we see that Batman's ex has a rockin set on her. It was shocking, I guess. Boobs are boobs.

I find that every time I watch IFC I have to watch something calmingly normal like cockfights or snuff films afterwards. IFC is honestly designed for people who absolutely hate to enjoy movies.

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